So, I took two days off. It's Labour Day weekend. What can I say.
The emotions of last week have subsided, thank god. I was PMSing. Early. Good grief.
I have never bloated like that before. I mean, I've bloated, but never have my breasts become so tender and heavy feeling. I felt like I was in puberty. Or pregnant. Which I'm not. Thank god. I don't want to have to deal with that at this point in my life.
I always wanted children. When I was 26, I decided that if I hadn't found a man that wanted to be with me for the rest of my life by the time I was 32, I would be artificially inseminated. Then, I turned 32. My life was a mess. I was a mess. I was still single and earning just enough to get by, and I realized that bringing a child into my world at that point in time would be irresponsible beyond belief.
It's hard for me not to have children. I always felt I was meant to have children. To the marrow of my bones, I felt I was meant to be a mother. It is one of my greatest regrets that I didn't. And now, I'm 47, I have inflammatory arthritis that makes the day hard to get through sometimes and I have trouble looking after my sweetie and me. I don't have it in me to look after a baby, too. Not to mention, I'm at an age when the pregnancy becomes more problematic and the chances of the child being adversely affected are much greater. And, really, the thought of being the mother of a 15 year old when I'm 63 doesn't sit well. My sweetie would be 77! I don't know how my father did it. He was 62 when I was 15 and almost 70 when my sister was.
Actually, if I had been pregnant last week, there would have been a kind of symmetry to it. Dad was 47 when I was born.
So, the signs of puberty, pregnancy and perimenopause are, generally, pretty much the same. Or, at least, affect the same things. I remember one woman saying that puberty didn't give her breasts. She was a double A cup her whole life, until she hit perimenopause. All of a sudden, she had breasts and actually had to go into a bra store to be properly fitted. She'd never really needed a bra before.
You know, the more I learn, the more I realize that I've probably been perimenopausal for several years. It would appear that I am one of those lucky women with mixed incontinence, for instance. Not only have I started having trouble with my bladder leaking when I laugh or sneeze, but I also have sudden urges to go, no matter how long it's been since I last went. Yay. Been like that for almost two years. Well, if that's the case, then I was a little closer to the genetic timeline of the women in my family, than I thought
OK, so I was watching one of those awful wedding reality TV series. This little princess needs, get this, a sports car for her fiance to arrive at the ceremony, a stretch SUV for her to arrive at the ceremony. then she wants a, get this, HELECOPTER to take her and her fiance to the reception so they can arrive in a spectacular way. Good grief. Who needs this???!!! Transportation alone was about $6,000! Her wedding was $23,000 dollars over budget, so the total was over $70,000!!! Oh. My. God. Who has that kind of money? Other than the Schrivers, or the Trumps, or the Kennedys.
We're going to look at one of the venues we're considering this week. We want to check them out now, then shortlist the ones we truly like and go back in January to see what they're like. And I'm hoping to look at dresses with my mother at some point soon. Once I have a shortlist of dresses. We'll need a helecopter to help us get to the various stores easily. They're all over town. Every compass point is covered, with a store or two at each one. Hmmm. I wonder if we can borrow the one they hired for that chick's wedding?
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