My friends, for my sweetie and me this week will see the culmination of a seven month ordeal. Some of you know what's been going on; others, sadly, will have to stay in the dark for the moment. Suffice to say that it is not good for stress levels; although, admittedly, my sweetie and I have been doing all right the past week. The end game is here and the result will be what it will be. All we can do is our best, which we will, have no doubt about it. We're being pretty philosophical about it, actually. And he was incredible over my very slight meltdown last week.
My sweetie knows this has been hard on me, as I know it's been hard on him. We've supported one another through it. I haven't been letting him actually see me melt down to this point (last week was a bit of an aberration), as I'm trying to be a good 'soldier's wife'. You know what I mean. Your man is going off to wage battle and the last thing he needs to see as he sets off is his wife weeping in fear for him, tearing her hair out and beating her chest - mourning him in advance.
I will try to update this blog every day as I have been, but don't really expect to be able to on Wednesday at the very least. One day, I'll tell the story of this ordeal, but I am constrained right now by ... I guess common-sense more than anything.
Thankfully, I've been reading bridal magazines and watching silly wedding reality TV (my sweetie actually pointed one out to me, which knowing his aversion to all things reality TV, especially bridal shows, stunned me - 'Bridezilla' promises to be interesting and fun). They are providing a fair bit of entertainment and he does get a chuckle out of some of my gasps of disgust (at some truly horrid dress) and frustration (over yet another 'princess bride' dress). I'm not certain he understands why I also gasp in appreciation over some really lovely gown - not that he doesn't get me liking it, but he doesn't get why I like it.
And I've been rethinking my dress. Again. Good god. I was talking to a dear friend at the weekend and realized as I was talking why (or one reason why) I'm having so much trouble getting over the fact that so many of the dresses look to have been designed with a little girl's wedding fantasy in mind. I never got to search for my fantasy wedding dress. My first wedding is happening at a point when many women my age are renewing their vows or being married for a second (or third) time. I missed out on the chance to wear the stunning ballgown wedding dress with a mountain of tulle and lots of beading and rhinestones/crystals. I have a feeling part of me resents the hell out of missing out on that when I was younger, as accepting as I've been of it to this point. Now, I have to figure out what the hell I want as the woman I am now, instead of as the girl-woman I was 25 years ago - she's the one who wants a 'princess bride' dress.
So, there you are. Pray for us this week. Send strength. Send white light and love. We'll feel it all come in, have no doubt.
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