We are here ... just

Thank you so much to all of you for your support. So many of you are talking about publicity, fundraising, trying to come up with concrete suggestions. My mother has read the ruling now and feels that this is payback for mistakes made when all of this first began, when Brian had inadequate legal counsel at best because he couldn't think straight and couldn't afford to pay all the time, and no counsel at all when his funds and health ran out altogether. He pissed some people off and now they're getting their own back. Because the ruling is unanimous, there is definitely no recourse to the Supreme Court. I cannot yet bear to read the ruling. He's broken because of it. We are just sitting here, waiting for the summons.We don't know how long the first stint in jail will be, but we do know that even if it's only 15 days and they give him his meds, it will take weeks to recover. By then, he'll have been summoned again and he'll be back in jail. It will take longer every time he comes out for him to recover and in the meantime, he'll still be unable to get a job to try to pay anything of the costs, let alone the ordered payments.

It will kill him. It may not be immediate, but it will.

And so we sit here. And we try to do normal things, like eating and walking the dog, cleaning the cat litter. But mostly we sit here, helpless, hopeless. Unable to do anything, because there's nothing we can do. Except pay. Which we can't because there is no money. So, we sit here.

This is not the country I love. This is not the country I grew up in, proud to be a part of. When I travelled, I wore the flag on my napsack, proud to have it there. No  more.

We need new input. We've talked ourselves around in circles. My bosses will only put up with me being off work for so long, and then I have to go back. We can't even come up with a plan right now.

We need help. I can't even come close to thinking clearly about things like publicity and fundraising. All I can do is hold my sweetheart and give him all the love I can.

I would love to make this a cause, what is happening to men in this province. I can't. I have to focus on my sweetie right now. We had hoped that this case would serve to shed light, help make change, but right now, I can't do what it takes. I don't know what it takes. All those other families who have been impacted by rulings like this, all those other men ... people say the two of us are strong, formidable. We're not right now. We're hurting and feel so alone.

I'm asking for help here. I need to brainstorm with other human beings. I need to meet. Here at the house. As messy as it is right now. We need outside input and we need to talk turkey (no pun intended given that it's Thanksgiving week in Canada).