And So, We Begin Again



Wednesday went pretty well. As well has it could have under the circumstances. Thank you for the white light, love, support, positive energy. We felt it and it helped.

I look forward to being fully able to talk about this. It really does need a public airing, but again, common-sense must prevail. We don't know the outcome yet and I don't want to jynx anything.



Suffice to say that my sweetie has never before in his life actually felt energy and white light coming to him ... until Wednesday. It was a day of firsts and that was not the least of them. You all rock!!

THANK YOU!



Now, on with life.



I had my pap smear this morning. Yay. Actually, this was the easiest one I've ever had. No discomfort at all. I lay back, we were talking about Wednesday's events, then it was over ... in about 10 seconds flat! She's very good about warming the speculum, which really helps. She confirmed that I'm perimenopausal. Well, I knew that, didn't I.

So, we were watching some female stand-up comic the other night and she was talking about having her pap smear. She completely alienated me with this; not the subject matter, but in how she talked about it. She's in her 40s at least, maybe late 30s, so she's an adult. But when she said 'pap smear' her voice got all whispery and little girly, she even lithped the 's' on 'smear'. I'm sorry, how old are you???!!! You say you're a mother and you can't say 'pap smear' in an adult tone of voice? Puhlease! Get over it. She probably calls her period 'Aunt Flow' or 'Aunt Rose'. Her vagina is probably her 'beautiful lady flower' or her 'hoo-ha'. If she has a son, he's probably completely confused about what to call his penis: his wee-wee, maybe his pee-pee?



Honestly, it is incredible to me that people are embarassed about these things. These are human biology and physiology words, folks. They aren't curse words, or nasty dirty things to talk about in dark corners. They're body parts and biological functions. Can't you just hear it? "Oh no, you can't put your weaner in my whispering eye tonight, I'm going with my flow." Makes me gag just thinking about it.

ANYWAY ...



My sweetie has specifically requested that he choose the wine for the wedding. He did that last night, actually. A very dear friend bought us dinner in a nice restaurant to celebrate the end game on Wednesday. We had a 2003 Travaglini Gattinara that was marvelous. Now, I have no taste buds for wine, got mine from my mother. Generally, neither of us can tell the difference between a $10 bottle of red and a $100 bottle of red. But every so often, we can. Last night was one of those times. The nose was heavy and fruity, so I wasn't expecting at all that it would be so very light on the palate. I was almost unaware of it. It was amazing.

Actually, I'm not sure what was more amazing; the wine, or the fact that I noticed a difference!

My sweetie will definitely be choosing the wines for the wedding.



We're probably going to keep any alcohol simple. Red and white wines, champagne for the toasts (if we can pull it off, he'd like to have a Pol Roger), perhaps Guiness and Harp, maybe an ale, also a cider, and of course non-alcoholic beverages.

Our menu is going to be interesting. If everyone we invite attends, we'll need, gluten-free (which we do anyway for me), vegan and vegetarian (which technically can be the same dish) options. And I don't want the vegetarian options to be the usual schlock that is served at big functions - mushroom risotto that looks about as appetizing as ... well I can't think of anything that unappetizing actually (nothing against mushroom risotto, perse, the mushroom risotto I had last night as part of my antipasto was STUNningly good). And I want the cake gluten-free (and vegetarian if possible). There are some amazing gluten-free cake recipes out there.

And back to dresses ... thought I'd look into red. How about these?



Darius Cordell Gown



Dresses Online

Reem Acra

We'll see. In the meantime, I'm still having fun looking!

Not Much Time, So Much to Say

My friends, for my sweetie and me this week will see the culmination of a seven month ordeal. Some of you know what's been going on; others, sadly, will have to stay in the dark for the moment. Suffice to say that it is not good for stress levels; although, admittedly, my sweetie and I have been doing all right the past week. The end game is here and the result will  be what it will be. All we can do is our best, which we will, have no doubt about it. We're being pretty philosophical about it, actually. And he was incredible over my very slight meltdown last week.

My sweetie knows this has been hard on me, as I know it's been hard on him. We've supported one another through it. I haven't been letting him actually see me melt down to this point (last week was a bit of an aberration), as I'm trying to be a good 'soldier's wife'. You know what I mean. Your man is going off to wage battle and the last thing he needs to see as he sets off is his wife weeping in fear for him, tearing her hair out and beating her chest - mourning him in advance.

I will try to update this blog every day as I have been, but don't really expect to be able to on Wednesday at the very least. One day, I'll tell the story of this ordeal, but I am constrained right now by ... I guess common-sense more than anything.

Thankfully, I've been reading bridal magazines and watching silly wedding reality TV (my sweetie actually pointed one out to me, which knowing his aversion to all things reality TV, especially bridal shows, stunned me - 'Bridezilla' promises to be interesting and fun). They are providing a fair bit of entertainment and he does get a chuckle out of some of my gasps of disgust (at some truly horrid dress) and frustration (over yet another 'princess bride' dress). I'm not certain he understands why I also gasp in appreciation over some really lovely gown - not that he doesn't get me liking it, but he doesn't get why I like it.

And I've been rethinking my dress. Again. Good god. I was talking to a dear friend at the weekend and realized as I was talking why (or one reason why) I'm having so much trouble getting over the fact that so many of the dresses look to have been designed with a little girl's wedding fantasy in mind. I never got to search for my fantasy wedding dress. My first wedding is happening at a point when many women my age are renewing their vows or being married for a second (or third) time. I missed out on the chance to wear the stunning ballgown wedding dress with a mountain of tulle and lots of beading and rhinestones/crystals. I have a feeling part of me resents the hell out of missing out on that when I was younger, as accepting as I've been of it to this point. Now, I have to figure out what the hell I want as the woman I am now, instead of as the girl-woman I was 25 years ago - she's the one who wants a 'princess bride' dress.

So, there you are. Pray for us this week. Send strength. Send white light and love. We'll feel it all come in, have no doubt.

OK, Slightly Less Bitchy Today

A friend at the office is getting married soon. We were talking about our plans; her at the end of her planning, me just beginning. I was telling her about yesterday's post on bridal magazines, which is actually one of the reasons I started this blog. She laughed and said that those magazines were useless for her for the same reasons! Now, she's about 15 years younger than me (maybe closer to 20), so I was amazed that she felt the same way. She recounted a story about being in high school and having to plan a wedding with her partner. They had to budget for an apartment and a car, as well as for the wedding. "Those magazines were perfect when I was 16!" she laughed. "Now, I don't see the point."

Being from Canada, she figures there's no point in looking at bridal mags from the States. We can't buy any of the stuff anyway. She chuckled when I told her that Canadian Brides magazine was full of ads for stores in the States. She agreed with my assessment of Elegant Weddings, out of Toronto. But then, she told me about Toronto Life Magazine's Wedding Guide. She said it was great.

So, I checked it out online. It is great. There's a super interview with caterer, Arpi Magyar, that has several really good tips for saving money and making your dinner go smoothly. A lovely set of suggestions on bouquets and boutonieres, as well as wedding cakes. And a lovely piece with Andrea Anastasiou, the owner of a bridal shop in Yorkville called White, talking about picking your dress. I might actually buy the 2011 version.

Still nothing for the bride of a certain age, but some truly useful suggestions. By the way, my friend confirmed the florist thing I mentioned yesterday. She advised me to only pick flowers that are in season (which in the winter will be difficult, but I get the drift); she actually ran her hand down her face in weariness on this one. She's doing exacty what the article I mentioned yesterday suggested; buying the entire bulk order of the flowers she ordered and using them around the venue.

I know her day is going to be fantastic. She's put a lot into it. I have a feeling my day is also going to be wonderful. Just have to get through the next 15 months!